Learning to Dance in the Rain II

What do women want in a man? #13. “A woman wants a man who is educated, has ambition and wealth, is respected, has some kind of status, is tall and strong, dominant, assertive, has strong facial features and a good sense of humor (which shows intelligence, novelty, and flexibility), and willing to make a commitment.” 15 When I asked my women friends to tell me what they wanted in a man, they came up with quite a different list. The want a man who is kind, caring, honest, understanding, thoughtful, clean, handy, old-fashioned, a gentleman, and a good dresser. #14. “A man will never be able to love a woman like she wants him to love her.”  16  “A man loves differently than a woman does. A man wants respect and to him love is respect.” 17 A man shows that he loves a woman by providing for her, protecting her, and doing things for her. A woman needs to learn to recognize that these are the signs that he loves her. She needs to notice what he does and understand that he is doing it for her. He is showing her he loves her when he offers to help her. A woman needs to allow a man to help her whenever he offers. Can you let (allow) a man help you? Do you step aside when he offers to do something for you and let him do it? It will improve your relationship when you do this. #15. “A man wants to make a woman happy and if he thinks he cannot make her happy then he will leave her alone.” 18 I was surprised to hear Carlos say this but I am now convinced that this is definitely true. Another relationship book I found helpful is Steve Harvey’s, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. It is easy to read, and very enjoyable. The following two statements are from Harvey: “A woman who genuinely wants to be in a committed relationship… must be able to        understand what drives a man, what motivates him, and how he loves. If she does not understand these things, then she will be vulnerable to his deception and to the games that he plays. . .The game a man plays is to do whatever it takes to get the woman he        approaches to sleep with him.” 19 Again, what can I say? Everybody knows these are true. To help a woman understand a man is the reason I included the messages from Cavallo and Harvey’s books.  

(continues…) #4. “Men are direct, saying exactly what they mean. . .” 6 I do not agree with this statement because I know men sometimes say the direct opposite of what they really mean just to test a woman’s reaction. Cavallo even contradicts his own statement later in this same e-Book, when he advises a woman to look at what a man does rather than what he says. In later years, I learned that my husband had a different meaning for the words he used than I did. I wish I had known this earlier. This is why I thing men should come with a manual that includes what they think different words mean. Perhaps this would solve the problem of the sexes being able to communicate with each other. I do agree that women tend to hint at what they want instead of being direct. This may happen because they are afraid of hurting his feelings, or that he will be angry with them and they want to avoid an argument. #5. “A man is his opinion and disrespecting his opinion is disrespecting him!” 7 I have come to realize that this statement could very well be true because it seems that recently several men I with whom I have been conversing abruptly walked away from me when I expressed an opinion that was different from their own. #6. “ Once a man has made up his mind about something, it is almost impossible for him to change it.” 8 I have experienced this several times and I have seen several profiles on the dating website which state:  “I am a liberal, and if you are not, please do not contact me.” Talk about a closed mind. #7. “Men have a stronger sense of self than women do.” 9 I agree that sometimes women appear to be wishy-washy. I know my husband expressed that he thought I was too “wishy-washy”. In most of those cases, I honestly didn’t care which restaurant (for example) we went to and was offering him the opportunity of choice. Sometimes, I know women are overly concerned about what others think about them and, therefore, are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Both men and women are sometimes insecure or have poor self-images. #8. “Men fall in love more quickly than women.” 10 I was surprised by this statement and I think most women would be also. However, when we stop to remember that men are visual creatures who tend to pay more attention to the way a woman looks rather than her other attributes, it is easy to see that he can fall quickly for a beautiful looking woman. A woman, on the other hand, while she may be attracted to a man’s physical appearance, tends to study his personality to see how he acts so she can determine if he will meet her needs. #9. “Men want to be appreciated.” 11 Cavallo states that most men do not receive much praise during their

Wired differently? That’s a new thought for me! I knew men and women are different. Some ways are obvious and others are not. I have often thought a separate dictionary that gave the men’s definitions would be helpful. Although I was married to the same man for fifty years, I have to admit that there were times when I just didn’t understand him. In fact, he occasionally told me, “You just don’t understand…” He was right, I didn’t. As I talked with some of my men friends, I discovered they wished they could understand a woman. My women friends say the same, they wish they could understand a man. Carlos Cavallo, a relationship expert, has published an audio course called “Understanding Men”, and I grabbed it up. He says says that “most women have it all wrong about men.”1 Talk about an attention-getter! Wow! He claims that his information is based on data he has gathered from his work with thousands of men and women over the last ten years. With his  permission I am sharing some of his important advice because as I listened to what he was saying, I kept thinking, “I wish I had known this when my husband was alive!” I am sure other women will say the same when they hear what he says. I have italicized Cavallo’s quotes and then my comments follow. #1. Cavallo: “Suppose your man has a good reason for what he does…? Suppose he is genetically programmed to act a certain way and cannot change his behavior…? Could this (knowledge) make a difference in your reactions to his behavior…? and would (this knowledge about men) make a difference in your relationship?” 2 I believe the answer to the above questions is “Yes, definitely!” Most of the arguments my husband and I had started with a misunderstanding. Then my feelings would get hurt because he was not doing or saying what I thought he should be doing or saying. I think had I understood more how men think, I would have been more patient with him and attempted to find out exactly what he meant. (add:  Perhaps I could have said, “This is what I heard you say _______________. Is that what you meant?) #2. Men are not wired to think about two or more things at the same time and are unable to multi-task.” 3 I never realized that men simply do not have this ability. I guess I just never thought about it because multi-tasking is second nature to me. Cavallo suggests that understanding this one concept would allow a woman to plan ahead so she can avoid interrupting him when his mind is occupied with something else. Knowing that a man simply cannot change back and forth from one thing to another like a woman can. Just knowing that it takes time and effort for a man to switch gears should allow a woman to be more patient with him. I remember my husband complained many times that

In my next few posts, I am sharing a chapter from my book about the differences between men and women from my book. I hope they will be of interest to my readers.

I was on the radio this morning advertising my book. The interview was recorded and will be re-played on WBET ‘s Facebook Page later today.  

My first newsletter was printed on June 6, 2019. I will add it here whenever I  figure out how to do it.

Grief has many faces. Catastrophic and life-changing, dealing with the loss of a loved one is one of life’s most difficult events. Grieving is different for each person, but it is very necessary. Each of us is saying, “Good-bye” in our own way. It helps to know others experience similar feelings under similar situations. Seven Stages of Grief have been defined as: shock, denial, guilt, anger, depression (sorrow), bargaining, and acceptance. Knowing where one is in the process is also helpful. Many people need to be reminded to take time to mourn and to feel their pain. It is all part of their healing process.

BOOK-SIGNINGS / MEET THE AUTHOR EVENTS SCHEDULED: March 1, 2019 – 1:00 – 2:00 pm at the Kazoo Books Exhibit at the Kalamazoo Women’s Lifestyle Expo, Kalamazoo, MI. March 2, 2019 – 10:30 – 11:30 am – Branch County District Library, Bronson, MI. March 7 at 6:30 – 7:30 p.m. Sturgis Public Library, Hwy 66 (Nottawa St), Sturgis, MI. March 11, 2019 1t 11:00-12 noon, St. Joseph County Enrichment Center, Franks Rd. Sturgis, MI.

I am so excited about the response I am getting to my new book. A week ago at Bingo the caller announced that there was a new author playing Bingo with them and that I would be at the Colon Library on Saturday for a “Meet the Author”Event. I sold four books at Bingo! Last night I went back because a fifth woman had asked me to because she didn’t  bring extra money and she wanted one. When I got there one woman, who had bought two book last week, exclaimed, “I really am enjoying your book and so is my sister. You are a really good writer. You need to write more books!” Several readers have said the same thing and encourage me to write another. My therapist said, “You have so many interesting stories and you need to write them down and publish them!” Thank you all so much! I need to have these people writing reviews on Amazon.com. I need 50 reviews there in order to reach my goal as a bestselling author.

Good Morning – here in Michigan we are under a winter storm advisory of freezing rain. Looking out my front windows, the snow and streets are very shiny in the street lights. The trees and bushes are coated with ice and icicles are hanging from the roof. A beautiful scene at 3:00 a.m. It is starting to snow now. Don’t go out this morning.