Everyone knows that men and women are different. Some ways in which they are different are very obvious and some are not. During my grieving journey, I stumbled upon Carlos Cavallo, a relationship advisor who has worked with thousands of men and women, who has recorded several audio courses on dating and relationships. My favorite is entitled, “Understanding Men”.
I found this eBook to be thought-provoking and answered some questions I had often wondered about during my fifty-year marriage. Occasionally one of the insights offered here, left me thinking, “If only I had known this while my husband was alive….”
I am sharing some of Cavallo’s information here in the hopes that it will help my readers to avoid arguments about issues that probably cannot be helped. Knowing this one fact would have prevented a lot of hurt feelings and heartaches for me. Cavallo states, “most women have it all wrong about men.”1
I sometimes mentioned to my friends, both male and female, that I was having a difficult time “understanding men”. In every case, my listener laughed and confessed to having the same problem, i.e. understanding the opposite sex.
I read the book, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” by best-selling author, John Gray, PhD, a leading internationally recognized expert in the fields of communication and relationships, focuses on assisting men and women in understanding, respecting and appreciating their differences. many years ago and it helped at the time. I was surprised to read that it is still on Amazon.com and very popular. It was written in 1992. (Visit www.MarsVenus.com)
Near the end of my fifty years of married life, I finally came to the realization that my husband and I had different meanings for some of the words we used. This led me to the conclusion that a woman needs a dictionary with definitions of words as used by a man, and a man needs a dictionary with definitions of words as used by a woman. Perhaps that would help solve the age-old problem of men and women not understanding one another.
I am sharing a few of Cavallo’s ideas regarding the difference between men and women because I really believe that knowing this information will enable a woman to better understand where her man is coming from, and therefore, allow for better communication, understanding, fewer hurt feelings and fewer arguments, resulting in an improved relationship. I have obtained permission from Cavallo to include it. For clarity, I have italicized Cavallo’s words inside apostrophes, and my comment follows.
Cavallo: “Suppose your man has a good reason for what he does…? Suppose he is genetically programmed to act a certain way and cannot change his behavior…? Could this (knowledge) make a difference in your reactions to his behavior…? and would (this knowledge about men) make a difference in your relationship?”2
I pondered these questions, thinking about my fifty years of married life, and I have concluded that things would have been different in my relationship with my husband had I known some of these things when he was alive. It seems to me that our arguments always started with a misunderstanding, followed by my getting my feelings hurt because he was not doing or saying what I thought he should be doing or saying.
I think had I understood some of the following things about men, I would have handled the situations much differently.