Men and Women Are Wired Differently (continued)- #2

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#4. “Men are direct, saying exactly what they mean. . .” 6

I do not agree with this statement because I know men sometimes say the direct opposite of what they really mean just to test a woman’s reaction. Cavallo even contradicts his own statement later in this same e-Book, when he advises a woman to look at what a man does rather than what he says.

In later years, I learned that my husband had a different meaning for the words he used than I did. I wish I had known this earlier. This is why I thing men should come with a manual that includes what they think different words mean. Perhaps this would solve the problem of the sexes being able to communicate with each other.

I do agree that women tend to hint at what they want instead of being direct. This may happen because they are afraid of hurting his feelings, or that he will be angry with them and they want to avoid an argument.

#5. “A man is his opinion and disrespecting his opinion is disrespecting him!” 7

I have come to realize that this statement could very well be true because it seems that recently several men I with whom I have been conversing abruptly walked away from me when I expressed an opinion that was different from their own.

#6. “ Once a man has made up his mind about something, it is almost impossible for him to change it.” 8

I have experienced this several times and I have seen several profiles on the dating website which state:  “I am a liberal, and if you are not, please do not contact me.” Talk about a closed mind.

#7. “Men have a stronger sense of self than women do.” 9

I agree that sometimes women appear to be wishy-washy. I know my husband expressed that he thought I was too “wishy-washy”. In most of those cases, I honestly didn’t care which restaurant (for example) we went to and was offering him the opportunity of choice.

Sometimes, I know women are overly concerned about what others think about them and, therefore, are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Both men and women are sometimes insecure or have poor self-images.

#8. “Men fall in love more quickly than women.” 10

I was surprised by this statement and I think most women would be also. However, when we stop to remember that men are visual creatures who tend to pay more attention to the way a woman looks rather than her other attributes, it is easy to see that he can fall quickly for a beautiful looking woman. A woman, on the other hand, while she may be attracted to a man’s physical appearance, tends to study his personality to see how he acts so she can determine if he will meet her needs.

#9. “Men want to be appreciated.” 11

Cavallo states that most men do not receive much praise during their lifetime. When they are little boys, tend to be considered “trouble-makers,” and whenever they get hurt they are told to “suck it up,” “be a man,” and “don’t cry.” Girls are told how “cute they are”; or “you did a good job, honey”; etc. A woman needs to tell her man that she appreciates him and the things he does for her. He needs to know that she has his back. However, she must be truthful in her praise because he knows when he is lacking in this department and her appreciation will be labeled “false.”

I definitely agree with Cavallo on the above statement, but I want to add that women also need to hear that they are appreciated. Too many women will work harder and harder to please her man in order to earn his love, but it has the opposite affect. Men tend to think she works hard to please herself.

The other day one of my friends was telling me about her deceased husband and she mentioned that he often would tell her to leave whatever she was doing and come sit down with him.  That sparked a memory of my own husband who would say something similar. I would always be hurrying up to finish whatever I was working on and say, “If I don’t get this done, it will never get done” and continue what I was doing. Once I joined him on the deck without him requesting it, and he said surprised, “You mean you are actually going to sit down with me for a few minutes?’

At the time I didn’t know why he was so surprised, but now I know it was an important time for us to be alone, just to chat and spend some alone time together which is what he wanted. I had unknowingly given priority to all the other, unimportant things instead of giving my time to my beloved. What was wrong with me? Nothing, I was just being a woman! Sad!

#10. “A man wants three things: a. to be helpful, b. to solve problems (fix things), and c. to feel useful.”12

My response to each of these three things is as follows: a. My husband told me he wanted to be more helpful around the house. But, because I always complained that “he didn’t do a good job” or “what he did wasn’t good enough,” I destroyed his desire to help me. I ended up having to do everything myself because no one else could do it “right” or according to my standards. By being overly critical I ended up hurting myself and I learned too late that it is better to accept whatever a man offers to do and not to judge him or his results if I want him to continue to give his help.

b. My husband was definitely a “fixer.” He enjoyed fixing things around the house. He did this willingly (most of the time) for me, and I did always thank him for it and praise him for doing a good job. However, it is important to know that at times a person just wants to vent, and is not asking for advice on how to “fix” or solve the problem. Everyone must learn to recognize when the other person is just venting and when they are asking for help or a solution. Sometimes, the only thing needed is a good listener.

c. As my husband grew older and became physically unable to fix things around the house or do the jobs he once had done, such as yard work, driving the car, etc., he felt useless, becoming embarrassed and degraded.

To reiterate, a man will work harder to please the woman he loves if she is vocal with her praise, admiration, and appreciation, but he loses motivation when he is subject to sharp criticism and lack of respect. A woman needs to remember that her man is subjected to criticism at work and at any time, and doesn’t need it at home.

#11. “Men are born hunters. They love the chase and they love to win.”13

The experts all agree that men are meant to be the chasers and women are emphatically advised to allow the man to do the chasing. In fact, over and over again the message I get is that to keep a man’s interest, a woman must continually challenge him to earn her love and respect. It is a complete waste of time and energy for a woman to work hard to please a man, thinking it will make him love her more, when in reality that is what drives him away. To keep her man, a woman must find new ways to make her man work for her love.

#12. “In short,” Cavallo admits, “men want a sex object and women want a success object.” 14

What can I say? It is in a man’s DNA to make babies and assure the future of our species